I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
