I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
