Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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