My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
