who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
