someone get that fucking seahorse.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
