I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
