I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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