Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I want a musical about memes.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
