Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You are a genius and a whore.