these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex