one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.