I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
