I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
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You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
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And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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