Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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