i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Randomize
