Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
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