Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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