it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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