I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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