Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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