he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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