The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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