I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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