My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
