We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
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he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
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Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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