your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
