MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
