someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
