your parents love me but you hate me
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
