Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
