so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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