all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
