please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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