I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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