There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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