This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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