How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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