I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize