I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
My underwear smells like fireworks.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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