Dual....:-)
I wish I could punch you in the face.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
