Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
