so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
