Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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