We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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