dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Randomize
