Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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