i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
how drunk are you?
Several
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
