i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
How external is "for external use only"?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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