okay pat passed out under dana's car
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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