i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize