i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I got inside last night via doggy door
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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