I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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