I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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