Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
