Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize