Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
