if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
