Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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