im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
